"Macho, the Christmas Parrot"

By Jerry Stewart  - Vision Productions   WHAT’S THE MOST UNUSUAL OR MEMORABLE CHRISTMAS GIFT YOU’VE EVER GIVEN? LET ME TELL YOU MINE.

 FOR ANYBODY WHO KNOWS MY WIFE, BECKY, THEY KNOW THAT SHE LOVES ANIMALS, ALL ANIMALS. AND ONE CHRISTMAS SEASON SHE MENTIONED THAT SHE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE GREAT FUN TO HAVE A PARROT. “A PARROT?” “YEAH”, SHE SAID, “THEY’RE REALLY SMART, AND THEY MAKE GOOD FAMILY PETS”.

I DID MY BEST TO TALK THE IDEA OF A PET PARROT DOWN SO SHE WOULD GET THAT IDEA OUT OF HER HEAD, AND THE VERY NEXT DAY I SNUCH AWAY TO THE LOCAL TROPICAL PET ANIMAL STORE. AND WHEN I WALKED INTO THE STORE THERE IT WAS – A MAGNIFICENT GREN PARROT WITH A BEAUTIFUL YELLOW HEAD. HE LOOKE LIKE HE’D JUST COME OFF A PIRATE SHIP. AND UNDER HIS PERCH WAS A SIGN THAT READ, "HELLO, MY NAME IS MACHO”. I THOUGHT, “MAN, HE IS SO COOL – A PIRATE SHIP PARROT NAMED MACHO”.

I APPROACHED THE SALES CLERK AND ASKED, “CAN HE TALK?” HE SURE CAN”. AND AS I STOOD THERE EYE TO EYE WITH MACHO, HE SQUAWKED AND LAUGHED AND THEN HE SAID, “HELLO”. HOW COOL. SO, I BEGAN MY TWENTY QUESTIONS TO THE CLERK – “HOW OLD IS HE? HOW LONG WILL HE LIVE?” “OH, HE’S A YOUNG BIRDS, PROBABLY ONLY A FEW YEARS OLD, AND A PARROT CAN LIVE 50, 60, EVEN 70 YEARS. HE MIGHT EVEN LIVE LONGER THAN YOU”. WOW.

SO, I DECIDED THAT MOMENT TO GET BECKY THAT PARROT FOR CHRISTMAS. AND WHEN I LEFT WITH MACHO AND HIS CAGE AND HIS PERCH AND HIS FOOD AND BOWLS AND ALL HIS STUFF, I REALIZED IT WASN’T CHRISTMAS DAY YET, BUT TODAY BECAME CHRISTMAS. AND WHEN I WALKED IN WITH MACHO BECKY WAS SO EXCITED.

NOW, IF YOU’VE NEVER OWNED A PARROT BEFORE THIS IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW. A PARROT HAS A CAGE WHICH IS SORT OF LIKE HIS HOME AND EVERY NIGHT WHEN ITS TIME TO GO TO BED YOU PUT THE PARROT IN THE COVERED CAGE UNTIL THE NEXT MORNING, WHEN YOU GET THE PARROT OUT AND PLACE HIM BACK ON HIS PERCH. HIS CAGE WAS IN ANOTHER ROOM, BUT HIS PERCH WAS IN OUR FAMILY ROOM. HE WAS GREAT FUN AND A REAL JOY TO HAVE IN OUR HOME – AT FIRST. BUT, THEN CAME THE TWIST.

ONE NIGHT ABOUT 9 O’CLOCK AS BECKY AND I SAT WATCHING TV, WE SAW MACHO CRAWL DOWN HIS PERCH AND START MAKING HIS WAY TO THE OTHER ROOM WHERE HIS CAGE WAS. HE HAD A CUTE LITTLE WALK SO WE FOLLOWED HIM INTO THE NEXT ROOM WHERE HE CLIMBED UP THE LADDER TO THE CAGE. AND NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRIED, WE COULD NOT GET MACHO OUT OF THAT CAGE.

“WELL, BECKY SAID, “MAYBE HE’S JUST TIRED – LET’S LET HIM GO TO BED”.

SHE COVERED HIS CAGE AND LEFT HIM UNTIL THE NEXT DAY.

THE NEXT DAY MACHO WAS FINE. BECKY TOOK HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE AND PLACED HIM ON HIS PERCH WHERE HE GLADLY STAYED UNTIL THAT NIGHT WHEN THIS TIME, A LITTLE BEFORE NINE, THERE HE WENT, DOWN THE PERCH OVER TO HIS CAGE AND MACHO WENT TO BED.

TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? YOU GOT IT. EVERY NIGHT, EARLIER AND EARLIER, MACHO JUST WENT TO BED, AND NOTHING, NO ONE, COULD STOP HIM UNTIL ONE DAY, TRUE STORY, I’M WALKING IN THE DOOR FROM WORK ABOUT 5:15 AND THERE GOES MACHO WALKING BY – GOING TO BED.

WE FIGURED WE’D BETTER DO SOMETHING SO WE TOOK THIS BIG BIRD TO AN EXOTIC ANIMAL DOCTOR. THE DOCTOR SAID HE WAS PERFECTLY HEALTHY FOR HIS AGE.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, FOR HIS AGE? IF HE’S THIS GRUMPY NOW AS A YOUNG BIRD JUST HOW NASTY IS HE GONNA BE WHEN HE GETS OLD?”

“A YOUNG BIRD?” THE VET SAID. “THIS IS NOT A YOUNG BIRD. IN FACT, HE MAY BE LIKE 50 YEARS OLD. IT WOULD TAKE AT LEAST THAT LONG FOR HIM TO GET THIS FULL YELLOW HEAD”.

AND THEN IT DAWNED ON ME. MACHO WAS ACTING LIKE A GRUMPY OLD MAN – BECAUSE HE WAS A GRUMPY OLD MAN! I HAD BEEN PLAYED THE SUCKER BY THE PARROT SALESMAN AND I HAD SWALLOWED THE WHOLE SUCKER. SO JUST WHAT HAPPENED TO MACHO? WE TOOK HIM BACK TO THE STORE AND TRADED HIM FOR A TRULY BABY PARROT.

AND THE NEW PARROT? – WELL THAT’S ANOTHER STORY.